10 things to know if you’re invited to tea at Buckingham Palace

If you happen to be invited to the palace for tea, know that there’s a protocol for being in “royal” company without committing any faux pas.

As we await our official invitation, let’s take a crash course in proper tea etiquette, just to make sure that we’re ready for any eventuality! 

1. DON’T CALL IT HIGH TEA!

It’s simply called “Afternoon Tea” and is traditionally served between 3pm and 5pm with tea, sandwiches, scones, and small pastries. High Tea is a true evening meal, an early dinner, eaten after 5pm at a table or high counter, rather than at the low tables where Afternoon Tea is customarily served.

High Tea, therefore, is not synonymous with “sophisticated”. On the contrary, in the 18th and 19th centuries it indicated the evening meal consumed by the working class after a grueling day of work in the factories. It consisted of a hearty meal of bread, cheese, meat, and vegetables, accompanied by a cup of hot tea. 

For the more sophisticated among us there’s Royal Tea, which offers some extra pampering for a special occasion. This is less common and indicates the addition of champagne to the traditional Afternoon Tea. 

2. THE SAUCER ALWAYS REMAINS ON THE TABLE

Don’t hold it in your hand as you sip your tea. 

If you’re sitting at a table, the correct way to drink your tea is to lift the cup, leaving the saucer on the table and returning the cup to it between sips. It’s considered rude to look anywhere other than in the cup while sipping your tea. The cup and saucer are both held only if you’re standing or sitting without a table on which to rest them. If someone pours you some tea and asks you to pass them your cup, always give it to them with its saucer. Keep the tea set together: cups aren’t butterflies that flutter through the air!

3. HOLD YOUR CUP PROPERLY

Don’t wrap your hands around the cup. It’s not a mug of café au lait to help warm you up on a cold winter afternoon!

With tea you must hold the teacup’s handle between your thumb and forefinger and rest your middle finger along the lower part of the handle to support the cup.

4. PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE THE HANDLE OF THE CUP AND THE SPOUT OF THE TEAPOT ARE POINTING

The handle of the cup must remain at 3 o’clock, unless you’re left handed in which case it can be rotated to 9 o’clock.

It’s also good manners and customary that the host be the one to pour the tea and that the teapot be left on the table with the spout facing the person who’s in charge of pouring.

5. DON’T STIR TOO VIGOROUSLY

Creating a vortex when you stir your tea is forbidden (whether clockwise or counter-clockwise). Stir your tea slowly from 12 o’clock to 6 o’clock, making sure not to make noise with the spoon. This must never touch the inside or rim of the cup.

Once the spoon has been used, place it on the saucer, behind the cup handle and pointing in the same direction.

6. FRIST TEA, THEN MILK

M.I.F. or M.I.L.? Or rather, milk in first or milk in last? What a storm in a teacup!

According to tradition, the custom of pouring the milk into the teacup first, originated so that the delicate porcelain wouldn’t break with the heat of the tea. 

Nevertheless, today it’s customary to pour the milk in after, thus regulating the intensity according to one’s tastes and, above all, to be able to evaluate the body, aroma, and color of the tea. 

In short, just remember this rule: the hot liquid (tea) goes in the cup first, followed by the cold one (milk). Furthermore, don’t add cream to your tea, only milk (or any vegetable-based beverage in the case of food allergies).

7. DON’T EXPECT TEABAGS

At the palace, tea is served only in loose leaves and, when it’s poured, a small strainer is used so as to avoid having leaves accidentally fall from the teapot into the cup. The strainer must be held above the cup of the guest for whom we are pouring the tea. If we pour it ourselves, then resting the strainer on the rim of the cup is allowed. In London’s best tea rooms, filters are also used to contain the tea and make it easier to remove the leaves. More and more teapots are equipped with “infusion baskets”. 

“Tea balls” are used less and less frequently because they don’t allow the tea to expand and release all of its aromas and potential. 

8. EAT THE FOODS IN THE PROPER ORDER

The foods that are served with the tea are usually arranged on multiple levels. When eating, start with the savory ones: first the sandwiches, then the scones, and finally the pastries. Cut into triangles or small rectangles, my favorite are the tea sandwiches.

They make them for every taste, from the more traditional with salmon or cucumbers to the more exotic with chicken, peanuts, and mustard. If you love savory dishes too, I recommend looking at this website where you’ll find numerous recipes and ideas for recreating the perfect afternoon tea at home.

Getting back to tea time’s other protagonists, the most common question is how to eat the scones. Here there is heated debate: do we break them with our hands or cut them with a knife? To each his own, but I recommend getting in touch with your primitive side and using your fingers, not just for the scones. But wait. Primitive yes, but always with style: another absolute taboo is (unfortunately) dipping the cookies in the tea! 

Another unresolved issue that pits gentle British souls against one another is whether to spread the clotted cream or the strawberry jam first (or other berry jam or lemon curd). As always: different cities, different customs. Both the inhabitants of Cornwall and Devonshire claim the invention of clotted cream and each has their own opinion on the proper order. In Cornwall they put a generous amount of jam first, followed by the cream. Meanwhile, in Devonshire they first pile on the cream and then the jam. Personally I prefer this second option, but regardless of what you choose to do, know that they’re equally delicious!

9. DON’T EVER RAISE YOUR PINKY!

Once considered a sign of class and elegance, today a raised pinky is one of the most common faux pas in the tea ritual.

The origin of the raised pinky may date back to the Romans, when members of the upper class ate with three fingers and commoners used their whole hand, but it’s more likely that it has to do with the first teacups that were used.

The porcelain teacups that arrived from China at the very beginning of tea’s popularization didn’t have handles, so, in order to avoid spilling tea on oneself, it was necessary to extend the hand with the pinky raised high for better equilibrium. This practice continued after the introduction of teacups with a handle, even though no one is entirely sure how it began. The important thing today is to make sure you don’t do it. A gentle hold on the handle is enough!

10. THE MYSTERIES OF THE NAPKIN

The correct formal way of positioning the napkin is to the left of the dish, with the folded border on the left and the open border on the right. This rule applies to every shape of napkin, whether square, rectangular, or triangular.

If you leave the table, the napkin must never be left on the seat. It must be put back on the left side of the plate. Did you know that at the end of an afternoon tea or meal, if you fold the napkin neatly and put it back on the left of the plate, this lets the host know that you’d like to be invited back? At this point, whether the king invites us to tea or not doesn’t matter. We’re ready to enjoy the perfect tea time, without committing any unforgiveable faux pas. 

If you’re fascinated by this tradition – which originated with the Duchess of Bedford’s extravagant request for a light mid-afternoon snack and which, over time, transformed into the elegant ceremony that it is today – we recommend going to this website to find the best that London has to offer. With hundreds of establishments to choose from, London is synonymous with Afternoon Tea. From the lounges of luxurious 5-star hotels to the most traditional tea rooms, and from eccentric themed menus to the “panoramic” Afternoon Tea served aboard a vintage double decker bus, any excuse to enjoy a good cup of tea will do.